Here are more office humor cliches–those things people say in response to typical office situations even though they know they’re not worth saying. Then, per usual, our staff updated each cliche to better fit our modren times.

Here:

When a coworker introduces you to their non-work friend and the friend says to you, “Oh, yeah. I’ve heard about you”:

Old: “All good things, I hope! Ha! Ha!”

New: “There’s birds about me? Huh? Oh, you’ve heard about me. Probably not good things. Ha! Ha!”

When you’re in a meeting with a client who flew in from California to your cold Midwest state:

Old: “Thanks for flying all the way from California! Did you bring any of that beautiful weather with ya? Ha! Ha!”

New: “This harsh weather depresses me something special! It’s just gray and lifeless for months! Ha! Ha!”

When you get in the elevator at the end of the work day and it luckily doesn’t stop on any other floors between your company’s floor and the parking garage.

Old: “Hey, looks like we got the express! Ha! Ha!”

New: “Hmm? Oh, this is my floor already? Sorry, I was daydreaming about what could have been! Ha! Ha!”

When you come in in the morning on a Tuesday or Wednesday:

Old: “Is it Friday yet? Ha! Ha!”

New: “I wish I could just get on a horse and ride and ride and ride forever, the headwind blowing the tears off my face! Ha! Ha!”

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What’s up, ‘ho? Here’s some more office humor cliches we think need to be refreshed!!!

When someone is introducing their new boyfriend around the office and he’s being told the name of about 30 of your coworkers:

OLD: “You better remember all these names! There’ll be a quiz later! Ha! Ha!”

NEW: “Hey.”

When someone is introducing their new boyfriend around the office and they introduce you as “my friend�:

OLD: “I pay her to say that! Ha! Ha!”

NEW: “Yeah. Hey.”

When someone says that they’ll be presenting a PowerPoint and, therefore, need that “projector thingy� set up in the conference room:

OLD: “‘Projector thingy.’ Is that the technical term? Ha! Ha!”

NEW: “Okay.”

Whenever someone says anything that you don’t have another joke ready for:

OLD: “Hey! That’d make a great name for a band!” For example, if someone says, “The vending machine sandwiches look old,” you’d say, “That’d make a great name for a band! ‘The Vending Machines Sandwiches’! Ha! Ha!”

NEW: (silence)