» Christmas

Holiday Classic: Correction to “Yes, Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus”

Dirk — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 16:00:53 +0000

Holiday Classic: F’n Christmas Cards for People!

Dirk — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 16:00:22 +0000

‘Tis the season…for the holidays, that is! And greeting cards provide words, which are a way of conveying those holiday sentiments that just can’t be fully expressed through mere silence or acts of compassion and love. And what better words than those of our most classic songs and films? Huh?

from Dr. Dre’s song “Let Me Ride”

Click here to open up this card to read its inside

from David Mamet’s film “Glengarry Glen Ross”

Click here to open up this card and read its inside

from Larry Clark and Harmony Korine’s film “Kids”

Click here to open up this card to read its inside

from Todd Solondz’s film “Happiness”

Click here to open up this card to read its inside

Christmas Sale at Bryson’s!

Dirk — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 07:45:34 +0000

Bathroom Euphemismz!

Dirk — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 18:35:49 +0000

Excuse me, I need to see a man about a horse, if you know what I mean!

Excuse me, I need to see a man about a horse. For some reason, the man is in the bathroom! Maybe he’s shitting or pissing. I’ll see if, instead, we can talk somewhere else more conducive to discussing the horse, if you know what I mean.

Jesus! I need to see a man about a horse really bad, if you know what I mean! I drank too many Canfields! Can you pull over?

Excuse me, I have to go speak to a few lawyers about the viability of suing the sculptor who misrepresented me in that statue he did of me, if you know what I mean!

Excuse me, I have to go do what a stout, mustachioed, latex shorts-wearing German man would have to do when he has to go to the bathroom, if you know what I mean!

Seriously, I’ll just see a man about a horse in those trees over there. Please just pull over! That whole thing about the Buzz Saw Killer in these woods is a myth, if you know what I mean!

Great! I just saw a man about a horse in my pants! Now, there’s what-happens-when-you-see-a-man-about-a-horse all over my suit and the car seat! Why didn’t you pull over, if you know what I mean?

It’s going to be a very long process, but I need to start talks with all the interested parties now. We’ll also discuss next steps and get a road map drawn up. This may also entail quite a bit of travel as I’ll need to start reviewing the improvements to their facilities, if you know what I mean!

A terlit