‘Tis the season…for the holidays, that is! And greeting cards provide words, which are a way of conveying those holiday sentiments that just can’t be fully expressed through mere silence or acts of compassion and love. And what better words than those of our most classic songs and films? Huh?

from Dr. Dre’s song “Let Me Ride”

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from David Mamet’s film “Glengarry Glen Ross”

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from Larry Clark and Harmony Korine’s film “Kids”

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from Todd Solondz’s film “Happiness”

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Bush Scolds Congress for Rejecting His “Save Our Forests” Bill

Warshington, DC - Today, President George Bush scolded the largely-Democrat contingent of the Senate for voting against his “Save Our Forests” bill last night. “All these Democrats are claiming that the Republicans don’t care. That we’re not concerned with things. But it’s the Democrats who voted against the ‘Save Our Forests’ bill. Who’s cold-hearted now?”

The “Save Our Forests” bill proposed the mandatory beating down of illegal immigrants.

President Bush at the new (since 1800) capital city of Washington, DC

Also:

Four Fans Trampled to Death in Crowds at the Cambridge King’s College Chapel Choir’s Christmas Concert

The King’s College Chapel Choir Performing “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”

Excuse me, I need to see a man about a horse, if you know what I mean!

Excuse me, I need to see a man about a horse. For some reason, the man is in the bathroom! Maybe he’s shitting or pissing. I’ll see if, instead, we can talk somewhere else more conducive to discussing the horse, if you know what I mean.

Jesus! I need to see a man about a horse really bad, if you know what I mean! I drank too many Canfields! Can you pull over?

Excuse me, I have to go speak to a few lawyers about the viability of suing the sculptor who misrepresented me in that statue he did of me, if you know what I mean!

Excuse me, I have to go do what a stout, mustachioed, latex shorts-wearing German man would have to do when he has to go to the bathroom, if you know what I mean!

Seriously, I’ll just see a man about a horse in those trees over there. Please just pull over! That whole thing about the Buzz Saw Killer in these woods is a myth, if you know what I mean!

Great! I just saw a man about a horse in my pants! Now, there’s what-happens-when-you-see-a-man-about-a-horse all over my suit and the car seat! Why didn’t you pull over, if you know what I mean?

It’s going to be a very long process, but I need to start talks with all the interested parties now. We’ll also discuss next steps and get a road map drawn up. This may also entail quite a bit of travel as I’ll need to start reviewing the improvements to their facilities, if you know what I mean!

A terlit