January 14th, 2008
The following are the great (so far) unanswered jokes of our time:
– How many Pollacks does it take to make a village of 4,009 Irish forget that Italians even exist?
– What do you get you when you combine Dracula with a roasted turkey in a world where Fangsgiving is simply not possible?
– What time was it, exactly, when the unusually small elephant sat on the very sturdy gate made of granite?
– What is Frankenstein’s favorite flavor of ice cream?
–A pessimist walks into a bar, orders a drink and proceeds to gulp down half of it. He then, says, “Bartender! My drink is half empty!”
An optimist then walks into the same bar and orders a drink. He also, right away, drinks half of it. “Bartender! My drink is half full!” the optimist proclaims loudly (for some reason).
A humorist then walks into the bar and also orders a drink. He then begins to tell this very joke. The optimist and the pessimist (the pessimist slightly less so) are amused in their fuzzy haze of drink to realize how their situation is just like the one being described in the joke. But before the humorist gets to the punchline, he keels over dead.
Tags: humor, Irish, joke jokes, jokes, silly
Posted in Miscellany | 3 Comments »
January 8th, 2008
In effect immediately, TheDirk is switching to a once-weekly format. No, it’s not about getting lazy and, soon, the whole site just stops. What it is is a way to ensure that the site can be as good as possible with what is posted.
It’s kind of a hard decision because the site is gaining more and more support (it seems) but it’s important that the material is funny, so this seems the best way considering the limited creative resources. (And it doesn’t necessarily mean stuff won’t be posted more frequently than once-a-week.)
So, on January 14th, please check for the new posting.
Thank you so much for reading/listening/etc.
Posted in Miscellany | 2 Comments »
January 7th, 2008
1. Big Ol’ Thing!TM
2. “Sobbing” – Nintendo’s newest interactive offering for the Wii.
3. Norbit DVD - includes 83 minutes of deleted scenes and director’s commentary.
4. The Norton Anthology of Threats
5. JuicyKlose – A container lid/Bartlett pear set (by Brookstone).
6. Criterion’s “Bergman Bloopers” – Criterion honors the late genius’s film career with this DVD of laff-out-loud cut-outs from all of the guy’s movies! Includes a hilarious take from “Wild Strawberries” when Victor Sjostrom, playing the doctor, stares at the fighting couple but does so in such a way that doesn’t quite get across the plight of the human condition!
7. Starbucks Reminder Card – Holiday-themed sturdy plastic card that is easily carried in one’s wallet or purse and serves the purpose of reminding the holder of Starbucks’ existence.
8. Leather-bound complete Wikipedia encyclopedia set (84 volumes and daily delivery of CorrectRight® supplement booklets which possibly correct any false content in the original set [or in previous supplement booklets])
9. Hasbro’s My Little Pony (Not Yours)TM
10. Harry and David’s Indeterminate Number of Months of Fruit Club membership
Go to “Gifts” category to see the worst gifts of the last couple of years, okay?
Tags: Gifts, holiday humor, humor, satire, uh
Posted in Gifts | No Comments »
December 21st, 2007
Our staff is headed to the country for the holiday. Do not try to squat in our building; the furnaces have been inverted and the cold will overtake your sleeping body.
We’ll be back January 7, 2008.
Meanwhile, see about the move to impeach Cheney here!
One of our staff riding around in his sleigh with his wife and four things
Posted in Miscellany | No Comments »
December 20th, 2007
Tags: Christmas, humor, Santa, satire
Posted in Miscellany | 1 Comment »
December 19th, 2007
Click up in it to get the episode! REMEMBER: This can be (and is) quite crass.
Tags: Beg For Mercy, crass, evil, humor, silly
Posted in Beg For Mercy | No Comments »
December 18th, 2007
‘Tis the season…for the holidays, that is! And greeting cards provide words, which are a way of conveying those holiday sentiments that just can’t be fully expressed through mere silence or acts of compassion and love. And what better words than those of our most classic songs and films? Huh?
from Dr. Dre’s song “Let Me Ride”
Click here to open up this card to read its inside
from David Mamet’s film “Glengarry Glen Ross”
Click here to open up this card and read its inside
from Larry Clark and Harmony Korine’s film “Kids”
Click here to open up this card to read its inside
from Todd Solondz’s film “Happiness”
Click here to open up this card to read its inside
Tags: Christmas, humor, satire
Posted in Miscellany | No Comments »
December 17th, 2007
Population of Niger Village Starving Because of the Word “Lancinating”
Dakoro, Niger - This impoverished Niger town found itself on the precipice of either being able to feed its citizens to their fill or further crumbling under perpetual drought, starvation, and an utter lack of ATM machines.
Richard Pierson of St. Paul, MN, had a chance to change the seeming fate of this village. He was logged onto his computer and had browsed to FreeFood.com, a fundraising Web site which donates a certain amount of rice, bread, and protein to the hungry for each time a user matches the correct definition to a difficult vocabulary word.
“But I got to ‘lancinating’ and I picked ‘evil’ as what it meant but that’s not what it meant. So no rice got sent for that. Sorry, Dakoro,” shrugged Pierson.
“Lancinate” probably means “to organize.”
“That’s just how it goes, I’m afraid” sighed Phyllis Olivier, founder of the popular Web site. “We have the food in our warehouses ready to ship, but people need to know those words on our site before we can just send this stuff out willy nilly.”
Because of Pierson’s wrong choice, the people of Dakaro will continue to live in hunger and die at the average age of 27. The main source of revenue for the shriveled village is loose change left by chance on the wings of an airplane and then dropped by chance just as the airplane flies over Dakoro.
“Maybe I need to make the words easier on the site, ” said Olivier. “Whatever we can do to help these people.”
This Nigerien boy will starve to death because a guy didn’t know a word
Tags: fake news, funny, humor, political humor
Posted in Headline | No Comments »
December 14th, 2007
When you’re pretty much the only one left in the office (everyone else has left town for Christmas with family) and you haven’t gotten a personal e-mail in 3 days, go to the restroom and wave your hand in front of the toilet sensor. There’s nothing better than that flush echoing in the empty bathroom proving to you that you exist to some extent!
Tags: Holiday tips, humor, satire, toilet
Posted in Miscellany | 2 Comments »
