One of our VPs of Marketing gots a thing published up on the The Big Jewel humor prose site.

There are literally three sketches here. Again, one of our VPs of Marketing is in the group (Elders of The Dark Tower [of Xxoron]) and they were asked to a live spot for the Revver video site’s live event in Los Angeles this last Thursdee.

Suppose you’re in the woods or a forest or an entity such as that and come upon a wide creek. But there’s more to this puzzle: Suppose there are three others beside you in the party and you have only one canoe. Only two people can fit in the canoe at any one time. You need to get all four of you across the creek and must do it within 11 trips across.

What do you do?

ANSWER: Take one person over to the other side, row back, take another person to the other side, row back, take the last person to the other side. You have all now crossed the creek. You do not have to use the additional six trips allotted to you unless you want to.

A canoe, for lack of a better term

Britt Landon, one of our Vice Presidents of Marketing, went into the office kitchen today, which is also free bagel day, approached one of our sales associates, Cynthia Buh, and said, without any prompting from her, “No, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is not dead yet. You’re thinking of Wilt Chamberlain.”

Cynthia replied, “How…How did you know what I was thinking? You read my mind!”

“No, I didn’t! April Fools’!” Britt exclaimed.

Cynthia cracked up and said, “You got me. Very funny.”

Hey! Hi. Excuse us, but here’s a new video from The Elders of The Dark Tower (of Xxoron)!

Some of them Coach Murphy quotes written by one of TheDirk’s VPs of Marketing are on McSweeney’s Internet Tendency today. Check them out. Do you understand? Click here.

Hey! So, sometimes people are set ablaze. They should at least get funny mugs too that they can carry about the office. Check this one out. It also includes an unlicensed cute sleepy lion graphic!:

Or this one!…

Or this one!…

Our first TheDirk Poll:

Will Archuleta Be Voted Off ‘Idol’ for Singing ‘Revolution 9′ on Beatles Night Last Night?

Somehow vote YES or NO!

(and there will be another thing on TheDirk this week, not just this thing.)

Suicide Bombing Beats Out Dentistry as Occupation with Most Suicides per Capita

Lipton, NJ - The effects of this new golden age of terrorism are being felt everywhere. In a new survey published by Career Sciences this year, the rates of suicide per capita for 2007 are given for over 83 different common occupations. Over the previous 30 years that the survey has been published, the results have not varied greatly. But, this year, the perennial top-of-the-list, dentist, found itself second — and a far second at that — to suicide bomber.

“There are about 9 suicides for every 10 suicide bombers. It’s incredible. Comparatively, for the usual number one, dentistry, there’s about 1 suicide per 23,000 dentists,” said Dr. Meredith Hamm of the Career Sciences Center. “I just think the typical suicide bomber faces so much stress in performing the particularly harsh tasks they undertake and that must be what’s leading to this distressingly high figure. There definitely needs to be some system of counseling support or something in that relatively new career.”

Rounding off the top five most suicides-per-capita list were dentists, milkmen, suicide hotline operators, and some not very important job.

Some kind of suicide bomber type thing

Detectives Frustrated by Walls that Can’t Talk

Chicago, IL - Detective Lawrence Broch thought he had what it took to break his case. Two months ago, the elderly Stella Weidenbacher was stabbed to death in her apartment and her jewelry was stolen. Despite his many detective tools including magnifying glass, Broch had no clues or suspects or the definite killer.

But, Tuesday night, while laying awake in bed, Broch had an idea.

“I always do my best thinking while lying awake in bed. I was racking my brains, thinking that someone or some…thing must have seen this evil deed. And, then, I realized: the walls of the room she was murdered in. I’ll just go talk to them!”

However, the next morning, things didn’t quite turn out as hoped: “When I got to the apartment, I asked the walls all these questions and, of course, all they could do is sort of hum and moan their answers because they don’t have mouths. If only those walls could talk or even simply write down what they saw.”

Walls not talking