Well, Michael Moore has done it again: Through the use of data manipulation, interview clips yanked out of their context, and the gratuitous presentation of facts, Mr. Moore has created yet another lie-filled summer blockbuster: "Fahrenheit 911." This ""documentary"" (yes, the double quotes are on purpose) is more fantastical than "Shrek 2," less in touch with reality than "Dodge Ball," and as could have been guessed, less erotic than "Y Tu Mamá Tabién." To be honest: it's not even as informative as "Spider-Man 2" which at least touches on the dangers posed by scientists who create iron arms that control people's brains.

This ""documentary"" (yes, the double quotes are on purpose) is so transparently empty and worthless from the word "go" (yes, the single quotes are on purpose). At its best, this movie is simple-minded, missing-the-point fluff and, at its worst, murders children. Thankfully, the movie never reaches its worst during the interminable two-hour viewing.

But it does get to the level of lies being forced down the audience members' throats via the force feeding tube of lie creation: We see carefully edited footage in which a mother reads a letter her son wrote before he died protecting his country against Iraq's nuclear arsenals: She reads some line he wrote about how he doesn't know why the war's being fought, that he hates President Bush, etc., etc.

But Mr. Moore doesn't include footage of the moments after the mother reads the letter: What if the son wrote "Not!" at the very end of the letter in the spirit of the hilarious American patriot Mike Myers? And I mean wrote it real small too so that it wouldn't be noticed until someone looked at the letter over and over again?

He may have, but we don't know because of course Mr. Moore didn't find it convenient to include the footage of the next few hours after the mom read the letter. And Mr. Investigative Journalism probably never once said, "Look at the end of the letter. Is there something else there? No? Look again."

Oh! But this is my favorite part! Did you know that Iraq doesn't have WMDs? That we're only there because of a grudge against Saddam Hussein and that we want to get all that oil? Yes! You guessed it! Michael Moore somehow knows this without any help from satellite photography or spies or anything! Oh! Oh! Mr. Moore said that Mr. Bush lied and I'm just going to go ahead and believe him!

I was being sarcastic in that last paragraph (the words clumped very closely together above this clump). The point is: Michael Moore shovels up this "data" about how the WMDs that the Administration claimed the existence of are not existing. And you notice this?: He doesn't exactly bother to include the footage of the "non-existent" WMDs.

But again, Heir Director has had years of practice manipulating the willing minds of his Liberal fans. And the Liberal Elite Media movie critics would nominate his feces for an Oscar if the Oscars still gave awards to feces. Of course this is the same Liberal Elite critics who have somehow just happened to all hate the hilarious "White Chicks" at the exact same time. But, that's not suspicious, right?

How does he get away with it? Well, the "shield" Mr. Moore hides behind to get this poppycock on the screen is not a shield at all: It's the First Amendment of the Constitution. Which, once again, dear BaileyHeads, proves my point: We've got to get rid of this Amendment. It's a rule created by the Founding Fathers which was relevant for the Olden Times when all speech was intelligent and correct. But, it just doesn't apply anymore and needs to be removed! And, we don't need to do all that ratifying, etc. If the person who prints the Constitution is reading this, just do a little Cutting (but no Pasting, if you know what I mean).

The irony of the fact that the First Amendment allows me to write a column like this is lost on me.

Anyway, all hail the wonderful Michael Moore and his magical eye-opening film!

Not.