This fall, we offer the Westwood Combination Building/Staple Remover named after famed architect Mies van der Rohe. Its stainless steel “things” are designed to get under even the most stubborn staple at which point you will need to contribute your muscles’ deep powers to extract that exact same staple from your nether parts or your documents if you wish to more easily lay it, page by page, upon the park carousel.

HINT: Use the building portion of the Westwood to store your slacks, links, hassles, or Merriam-Webster Where Are the Apricots At? reference book set.

See this picture? This is the product (staple remover feature circled).

Please focus as we introduce you to the latest in our line of office supplies for the crazed! This fine desk clock is housed in the finest selection of oak and includes a vintage face with the Dark Hours covered sloppily by the likeness of hip-hop artist Heavy D as you’ve rightly come to expect in your timepiece purchases. But our newest offering also adds rapper Ice Cube and the citrus blops he emits to amplify the traditional thud waves of The Boyz’ leader. Now, when someone asks, “How are you?” you can finally reply honestly, “Here we are! Fine! Any!”

This clock is available in both dark and territory stains.

For our first offering of office supplies for those who are crazed, Merriam-Webster with Roget now offers their 5th revised full 3-volume set of paperback where-are-the-apricots-at reference. (NOTE: They’re Not There? Oh. Here They Are now with a picture of an air conditioner hanging off the cover!). Somehow, order this set now!