» Donnie’s

Holiday Drinks at Donnie’s

Dirk — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 06:33:12 +0000

So it is the holidays around now. To celebrate the holidays, at fucking Donnie’s Bar and Tavern were doing the secret Santa on Christmas afternoon, remember. The limits $15, were doing it white elephant style, and it can’t be a thing that, at the sight of it, would push people already close to the edge to the edge.

For uh decorations, the tree is up in my opinion (not in Deb’s opinion, though) and I got the picture of Santa that people can pass around.

Anyway, we got the Holiday drinks menu, so here it is:

The Fourth King – This is what Jesus H. would have been given by a fourth king/wise man if there was one. A bracing blend of Peirson’s (basically, a poor man’s poor man’s Everclear), mashed potato Schnapps, and fermented mythical gilderberries picked by a Bulgarian dude in a jealous fit of rage.

Tin Tree Star – 2 parts the first liquid that appears in the computer that day when Googling “Please, no,” the daily allowance of red wine as suggested by my buddy whose starting up an alternative to the FDA, a twist of “lime,” 2 parts this stuff the guy who sold it to me called “the future of eggnog,” and 1 part severe-grade gin.

The Santa Don’t Exist – A hot mug of Full Throttle energy drink spiked wit enough Walgreen’s brandy to make it so you forget what horrors the Ghost of Christmas Future shows you.

Signs at Donnie’s Bar & Tavern

Dirk — Tue, 29 May 2007 21:17:13 +0000

Below are some of the signs currently posted up at Donnie’s Bar & Tavern:

More Drinks at Donnie’s

Dirk — Sat, 17 Feb 2007 00:16:08 +0000

Uh, hey. Donnie. Listen, gots more drinks on our menu. Here’s what they are and all that. Remember, when the factory whistle blows, come right on over to Donnie’s. You’re not required to shower off the coal dust and blood ‘afore you come in like you are at them other bars.

The Silver Surfer – A bracing blend of ouzo, ice, mercury, steel, and paperwork.

SnapShot! – A suspension of silver chloride in a gelatin coated onto an ester of acetic acid. The exact same blend found in old cameras!

The Randy Ox – Yes, mixing bleach with ammonia is deadly, but the resulting flavor is delightful. This cocktail brings together Windex and Clorox with an orange rind twist into a drink that will cause you to die.

The Dainty Lady – An ocean of whiskey being traversed by war-tested battleships and swum in by capsized refugees who’ve been dipped in anise liqueur. Beware: sheer size of cocktail can alter the world’s wind currents and thus its weather and thusly its food output.

The Drinks at Donnie’s

Dirk — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 03:41:32 +0000

Hey, Donnie here. At my fucking bar, we have drinks so come on down. W’er in Hardtown, PA, fucking here at 88th and Swock. Heres the drinks besides beer and all that

Knight Glory – Steelback Tango lager and Peeps-flavored Schnapps poured into a shattered mug and served to you by a buffoon

Sweetie Pie – A glass of fine Beaujolais poured by Donnie with a smile, he then drops the smile, rolls his eyes and spills out the wine, serving you, instead, a real drink: Absinthe, ram bullion, and hate

Dead Man’s Float – Our newest drinkscape (which means “drink”), designed to taste like a frosty root beer float but doesn’t at all. Everclear shaken with meth with whore wiped around the rim.

The # 7 – Meat slurry, rectified alcohol, coolant, and Gitmo spray-down catchings