When someone approaches you today at work and says, “Hey, did-” you don’t need to hear the rest of the question. Just say, “Yes, Gatorade did release a morning version of their thirst quencher.”

That covers everything. Gatorade has their original flavor, Rain, then Frost, then Fierce. And, finally, the logical next step in the pattern: A.M. The circuit is complete. You now have a Gatorade for each…phase/weather/fierceness unit of your day.

And thank goodness. “Nearly 50% of exercisers aren’t fully hydrated before their workout,” the ad says. Didn’t know that did you? You just sit there in the cushions of your fat, happy American lifestyle. Meanwhile, people–real people–are out there doing spin class literally feeling kind of thirsty. Well, sure, you throw something in the box once a year for Toys for Half-Dry Tots and you pledge a dollar a mile for that pushy person at work who does the Annual 5K Walk for 10K Runners Who Could Use Something to Drink. But now, Gatorade’s stepped up to do something real about this issue.

What’s so “A.M.” about this stuff, anyway? Something. That’s for sure. Let’s read: “Gatorade A.M. contains no caffeine and the same scientifically proven formula as Gatorade Thirst Quencher with flavors developed to appeal to you in the morning.” So, it’s not “A.M.” in that it perks you up with a caffeine jolt. It’s “A.M.” in that it has morning…flavors. These are apparently orange-strawberry and tropical mango. Lemon-lime, orange, mango and the other traditional flavors of regular old Gatorade tasted fine to you after your dawn workouts. How would you know they’re not morning flavors? And how would you know that orange-strawberry and tropical mango Gatorades aren’t something to be sipped from your snifter by the fireplace after a fine dinner? Gatorade just told you.

So, in Darfur, there’s nothing to drink. In the U.S., there’s plenty of water, we got past that, we went to Gatorade, that got old. Now, there’s Gatorade A.M.

BONUS: Newcastle Brown Ale’s billboard campaign

Basically, the British brewer’s new billboards show a six pack of Newcastle bottles and the slogan “With Flavor This Irresistible, It’s No Wonder They Travel in Packs.” Just a simple nice humorous twist on the hip youngsters’ social rule-of-thumb that pretty women shouldn’t walk around alone or they’ll be raped.

Assuming you don’t live under a rock where you are somehow able to view this blog, you are aware that DiGiorno has introduced its new Harvest Wheat Crust. For this segment we’re calling “Ads That Make So Much Sense!^®” we now examine why DiGiorno’s print ad for this, the newest of their innovations, is so effective.

1.) A simple, concise, yet devestating slogan. Anyone in advertising will tell you that you have to grab the reader’s attention immediately or they’re gone. “Wheat bagels everywhere are waving the white flag” so undeniably and immediately strikes at the heart of the only possible direct competition of wheat pizza crust: the wheat bagel. Since the Great One has decreed that we must eat one, but only one, serving of whole wheat per any particular day, you think we’re gonna waste it on our bagel now that this crust has come into the picture? This could hail the beginning of a phenomenon not seen since Smuckers introduced Goober Grape and thus decimated the wine market.

2.) Cater to the widest demographic possible. In this ad, this advertising commandment is satisfied to a perfection by not portraying anyone of any demographic. Nevermind that to do so, the slice being served must be depicted as somehow elevating itself from the pizza. And you may be saying, “But why didn’t they at least just show a spatula lifting the slice?” Ah, yes, but a spatula implies a handed-person, and why narrow the appeal of this new product to that demographic if they don’t have to?

3.) Depict the product in its purest form. Imagine how gross it would have been if they showed the whole pizza sliced! Besides isn’t it so much easier to just make a single perfect v-cut that leaves the rest of the pizza untouched than to go ahead and cut straight across the thing 4 times which only gives you 7 more slices? Plus, this way, after you magically hover the single slice away, you merely need to find enough shelf space in your fridge for the entire width of the pizza. And what a perfect single slice that is, with all that luscious cheese somehow not severed during the cutting process!

4.) Whenever wheat is a key ingredient, show some wheat. Again, this campaign does this to a T. When you look at this ad, you can’t help but daydream of living in a simpler time when, after a morning of milling, you’d lay out a meticulous circle of stalks of some of the wheat you didn’t use in making your pizza crust from scratch, plop your piping hot pie on said circle, sit your hearty self down, find a way to cut the thing without making an incredible mess, and eat the lunch you deserve.