Hey, Dr. Science-Patterson! My friend told me that birds are actually descended from dinosaurs? Is this true?? I can’t believe it! – Shockedasaurus from South Cracks, MT
Dear Shockedasaurus – Your friend is partly right. But, remember, partly right only counts in NPR quiz shows and pregnancy, and pregnancy is in that list sarcastically.
Yes, birds are descendants of dinosaurs…legally. You see, birds were, as a species — and it’s about time the species knew this — adopted.
Why? Scientists can’t tell for sure, but some fossil evidence suggests that the birds’ ancestors didn’t feel ready to have offspring as they may actually have had a very primitive form of “issues.”
Birds fly south every winter as a result of a vestigial need to try and find their real ancestors, but they’ve never been able to find them. And, thus, birds’ lives are not, as scientists have determined, complete. They often die depressed and what-is-to-birds-as-pennies-are-to-humans-less.
Please ask me more questions, kids! I have plenty of time to answer them!