Jewish Resident of Pennsylvania Town Offended by Town Hall Nativity Scene

Hardtown, PA – Byron McIntyre, one of about 1,000 Jewish residents of this quaint approximately 25,000 people peopled small Pennsylvania town, loves everything about Hardtown. He grew up here, married here, choked here once, and raises his children here.

So it’s with difficulty that he took his hometown to court. Specifically, McIntyre, a third-generation Jewish-American, is offended by the Nativity scene showcased on the front lawn of the Hardtown City Hall every Christmas season.

“I know I’m Jewish and am not big into Christmas and all,” said McIntyre. “But I got to think that Hardtown citizens of other denominations are also offended by the fact that the Jesus baby has a huge erection poking out of his crib.”

McIntyre also went on to list other items in the Nativity diorama that he found offensive: “Mary is making very non-virginal eyes at all of the Three Kings, her ass is motorized, the sheep are in black face, and a robotic voice over the speakers proclaims, ‘Put caramel in your mouth, then lick me nuts, letting the caramel kind of slip around!’ repeatedly in the cold winter night all night long.”

“This just isn’t what I think Hardtown should be displaying in its public spaces,” shrugged McIntyre. “And it needs to stop.”

“Pssh. The guy needs to relax,” said another resident of this once-thriving steel town. “I don’t know the Bible that well, but I assume that stuff is in it and it’s Christmas time. You know, during Rosh Hashanah, the town hall doesn’t have a big insulting ‘Kike’ sign out front. So his people are getting recognized too.”

The Nativity scene mentioned in this story cannot be shown in this paper