Bretton, one of our favorite comedians, taped his HBO special last weekend. It was the big time too. He had some kind of stage background that attempted to ascribe a theme to him (in this case, a science lab), he had bottles of water on a stool, and he found a way to tie his jokes together at the end into some serious social commentary to lift him from the level of mere comedian to humorist.

Here’s some excerpts from his performance:

I love how those things you use to put staples through a document to hold it together are called “paper take-aparters.” And it’s like, why are they called that? They actually do the opposite of that! I just notice these little things in life like that. I’m weird that way.

But, seriously, y’all, society’s fucked up. (Take swig of water and proceed to next joke.)

My girl watches all those reality shows. It’s crazy, y’all. (applause, hoots from the guys) What is it, uh, “American Idol,” “Project Runway,” “Amazing Race,” I don’t know what all, “Project fuckin’ American Amazing Dance Dance” all that. You notice they’re all “amazing” something or “American” something or “project” something? I can’t even keep the shit straight, y’all. Sometimes, I’ll be like, “Honey, you watching ‘American Runway’ tonight?” or “Hey, do you want me to TiVo ‘Project Race’ tonight?” And sometimes, if I’m not careful, it can get me in a big heap o’ trouble! One time, we were at the Chinese restaurant, Chinese families all around us, you know, and I yelled out to the waiter, “Hey, waiter, can I glet my chleck prease? Ploject Idor?” For real.

I don’t understand why, in this time of terror and violence, President Bush also wants to do away with love and caring. (applause) For example, no gay marriage. He wants to make gay marriage unconstitutional. Well, sorry, Mr. Bush, but here’s your amendment right here (Puts up middle finger). (Huge rafter-trembling applause.)

DIDYAKNOW the telephone may not have been invented by Alexander Graham Bell? As a matter of fact, the phone may not havE EVEN BEEN INVENTED YET!

DIDYAKNOW that, earlier this week, Tim Russert went to Meet His Maker?

DIDYAKNOW that, when people try to remember the names of the three actors who played the Ghostbusters, they think the one that’s not Bill Murray or Dan Aykroyd is the hardest to remember, but in fact it’s really Dan Aykroyd who’s the HARDEST TO REMEMBER!

Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd (the one whose name is most often forgotten), and the other Ghostbuster actor

Longest Email Exchange with Same Subject Line Discovered

Lawrence, KS - Researchers at the Electronic Communications Foundation believe they have found the longest ever email conversation with the same subject line.

“Did you see SIenfeld last night?” was the subject line of the email from Gayle Hernandez to her then-co-worker Penny Pierson sent on October 4, 1996.

And, except for the “RE:” that was added when Penny wrote her first reply, agreeing that the man hands subplot was indeed maybe too hilarious, the subject line has been the same for almost 12 years for a slew of topics, including “Frasier” is very funny too; setting up a blind date; borrowing a Gypsy Kings CD; first joking but then sincerely wondering if there’s a way to kidnap Vince Vaughn; how eventually giving up on things like kidnapping Vince Vaughn actually demonstrates a certain lack of “go-get” that, if they want to achieve their dreams, they can’t accept lightly; how eating just meat and cheese really fucking sucks; Gayle’s move to Anchorage; how “there’s got to be a better way” to staple something than a stapler; how reality TV is “dumb as hell”; Penny insisting to pay for the at-the-time impoverished Gayle to fly to her wedding; how “The Office” is hilarious; how, if Lisa wins “Top Chef,” Gayle’ll put her kids in the Benz and they’ll personally go hunt her down; and many others.

“And the exchange still goes on,” said Yorn Getz, director of research at the Foundation. “Gayle just sent a reply to Penny a few minutes ago.”

An illustration of the most recent of the email exchange is below:

When Hitler Was a Young Adult

Friend: I understand you’re applying to art school! That’s great!

Hitler: Yeah, just, I really want to pursue this painting thing. I’m coming up with some great stuff whether it’s landscape, still life, you know, even some of the modernist/abstract stuff that’s happening. I’m particularly interested in experimenting more with uses of light. Evoking the warmth of sunlight through painting. I’m actually working on a satirical piece in which I show a ceiling in like a stifling business office and it’s got all these ugly industrial lamps, but, instead of the harsh cold light that they emit in reality, I paint the light coming out of them to be like sunlight and that kind of warmth, if you know what I mean. And I’d like to do a series of about 14 of those, each kind of depicting different configurations of those lamps and different offices and different levels of abstraction, you know? But just to show warmth leaking into even these harsh industrial or stuffy beaucratic or business offices. Like, how the sun pokes through even in the most isolating of circumstances. I don’t know, not to be schmaltzy, but I’m into that kind of symbol of hope and all that I guess. And I think this school I applied to has some great teachers and a wonderfully encouraging community of artists who can really help me shape these ideas, to visualize them.

F: That’s neat.

A month later:

F: Hey, I hear you didn’t get into that art school. I know you were really looking forward to going. I’m very sorry. I hope you’ll keep pursuing painting though. You will, won’t you?

H: No, I’m going to do something else.

Hitler’s hedcut from 1933 Wall Street Journal article praising the new German Chancellor