Our staff is headed to the country for the holiday. Do not try to squat in our building; the furnaces have been inverted and the cold will overtake your sleeping body.
We’ll be back January 7, 2008.
Meanwhile, see about the move to impeach Cheney here!
One of our staff riding around in his sleigh with his wife and four things
Click up in it to get the episode! REMEMBER: This can be (and is) quite crass.
‘Tis the season…for the holidays, that is! And greeting cards provide words, which are a way of conveying those holiday sentiments that just can’t be fully expressed through mere silence or acts of compassion and love. And what better words than those of our most classic songs and films? Huh?
from Dr. Dre’s song “Let Me Ride”
Click here to open up this card to read its inside
from David Mamet’s film “Glengarry Glen Ross”
Click here to open up this card and read its inside
from Larry Clark and Harmony Korine’s film “Kids”
Click here to open up this card to read its inside
from Todd Solondz’s film “Happiness”
When you’re pretty much the only one left in the office (everyone else has left town for Christmas with family) and you haven’t gotten a personal e-mail in 3 days, go to the restroom and wave your hand in front of the toilet sensor. There’s nothing better than that flush echoing in the empty bathroom proving to you that you exist to some extent!
If you’re in a meeting and you hear a police siren outside:
OLD: (turn to someone, doesn’t matter who) “Hey! Looks like they’re comin’ for ya! Ha! Ha!”
NEW: “Those are sirens. Let’s wait until they pass and, Ed, if you can repeat what you said about the template.”
“Give a man a fish, you feed him only once; give a man a fish every single day of his life, you feed him for a lifetime.” - Wiseman
Hey, Dr. Science-Patterson! Is it true that no two snowflakes are identical? - Snow Blind in Syracuse, NY
Dear Snow Blind – That is true. Sometimes the difference is very slight, sometimes it’s quite drastic. For example, I once witnessed a pair where one was quite small, white, and took on a star-shaped crystalline pattern whilst the other was gray, significantly heavier, and mall-like in its sheer size and in its store- and kettle korn vendor-esque structures full of people partaking in commerce-esque type activities.
Hey, kids. Please send more of your science questions if you feel you need to.
Non-identical snowflakes
So it is the holidays around now. To celebrate the holidays, at fucking Donnie’s Bar and Tavern were doing the secret Santa on Christmas afternoon, remember. The limits $15, were doing it white elephant style, and it can’t be a thing that, at the sight of it, would push people already close to the edge to the edge.
For uh decorations, the tree is up in my opinion (not in Deb’s opinion, though) and I got the picture of Santa that people can pass around.
Anyway, we got the Holiday drinks menu, so here it is:
The Fourth King – This is what Jesus H. would have been given by a fourth king/wise man if there was one. A bracing blend of Peirson’s (basically, a poor man’s poor man’s Everclear), mashed potato Schnapps, and fermented mythical gilderberries picked by a Bulgarian dude in a jealous fit of rage.
Tin Tree Star – 2 parts the first liquid that appears in the computer that day when Googling “Please, no,” the daily allowance of red wine as suggested by my buddy whose starting up an alternative to the FDA, a twist of “lime,” 2 parts this stuff the guy who sold it to me called “the future of eggnog,” and 1 part severe-grade gin.
The Santa Don’t Exist – A hot mug of Full Throttle energy drink spiked wit enough Walgreen’s brandy to make it so you forget what horrors the Ghost of Christmas Future shows you.
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