To: AllCompany

From: Susan White

Date: October 31, 2007 4:32 PM

Here are the winners of the costume contest we had today

1. Dan Branson — 70’s disco outfit (also most Creative). Even had the shirt with big collar and afro wig. He wore it last year too, so it could also be said he dressed as his last year’s self which earns 7 “meta” points.

2. Josh Nelson — Spock on “Star Trek”. Felix Wayner also did Spock but Josh went the extra mile by having the pointy eyebrows and the pointy ears, black hair and a blue shirt and boots.

3. Erin DeLunier — Angel. Erin was not able to wear costume because of the meeting with Telex but said he would’ve had real feather wings and a halo that really floated above his head and would have taken us to Our Heavenly Father’s throne room. (This also gets Most Original.)

(BTW, some of you were wondering what’s the difference between the Most Original and Most Creative categories. None of the judges knew the answer to that but they did confirm that they are in fact judged differently.)

4. Rudolph Vern — Thierry Amar of Yiddish folk band Black Ox Orkestar. Did the way he walks pretty well too.

5. Susana Hernandez — Sexy nurse. Nice touch with nurses’ hat and the Red Cross shaped nipple tassles.

6. Geoff Shierry — (also scariest costume of the day winner) Vampire. Yusef Shaloub also was a vampire but vampires look different than he did.

7. Marybeth Baker — wore a mask.

8. Randall Short — either the California Raisins or a phone

9. Wei Wang — (also Most Funny) an extremely sad mother

10. Chelsea Winter — a retrospective of Italian film

Your participation in the fun today demonstrates our World Products spirit. Happy halloween.

Sheryl White

Asst. LVP of Human Resources

swhite@worldproducts.com

(343)764-1290

“If you love your work, it’s not work!”

_______________________________________

To: Susan White

From: Dan Epstein

Date: October 31, 2007 4:48 PM

Sheryl,

Just FYI. The items Susana wore upon her bosom today are spelled “tassels.” “Tassles,” as from your e-mail of 4:32 pm today, spells something of which I am not familiar.

~Dan

Dan Epstein

Sr. IT Engineer

depstein(at)worldproducts.com

(343)764-1284

“A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.” - Douglas Adams

________________________________________________________________________________

To: Dan Epstein

From: Susan White

Date: October 31, 2007 5:07 PM

okay

Sheryl White

Asst. LVP of Human Resources

swhite@worldproducts.com

(343)764-1290

“If you love your work, it’s not work!”

GOP Candidate Romney Finds Compromise on Abortion Stance:

“If Everyone’s Worried about Back-Alley Abortions, Those Should be Banned Too.”

GOP Candidate Mitt Romney’s 54th grade school picture

Our resident Amazon reviewer tells the world what we need to think about the new single by Band of Horses, “Is There a Ghost?”

Click here for that.

Here’s the new video sketch by The Elders of The Dark Tower (of Xxoron) of which one of our marketing VPs is a part.

Dog Does Not Save Master from House Fire

Hartford, CT - The story of Rebecca Tilde and her golden retriever mix, Barbarino, is a refreshing one compared to what we usually hear in the news today–refreshing in a very tragic way.

At approximately 2:30 this morning, as Tilde performed her nightly ritual of sleeping, a fire broke out in her home near 4th and Jefferson. The cause of the fire is yet unknown, but the effect is yet well-known: as the flames spread from the garage area into the living room and toward’s Tilde’s bedroom, Barbarino woke from his slumber and immediately recognized the danger. Picking up his purple squeaky elephant in his mouth, the dog jumped into action and found his way outside and across the street where he proceeded to lift his leg and chew on the very obviously counterfeit pachyderm.

Fire fighters arrived at the scene as Tilde’s shrieks of pain at being burned alive could be heard out on the street. Barbarino growled and barked in response. “No, I don’t think the dog knew that was his master screaming. I think he was just barking because it sounded like some wild creature,” opined firefighter Robert Innskeep.

As the firemen fought off the blaze, Barbarino tugged on the hoses and several members of the squad had to alternate at distracting him with games of fetch, a popular sport of canines.

A picture of fire

Hey Dr. Science-Patterson! I understand that a water molecule is made up of two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom. But how do those different atoms together? - Swimming in Science in Schenectady, NY

Dear Swimming in Science - You seem to have missed a word between “atoms” and “together” in your question. I assume you meant to ask, “But how do those different atoms serious together,” which doesn’t make sense.

Water molecules or whatever

Here are more office humor cliches–those things people say in response to typical office situations even though they know they’re not worth saying. Then, per usual, our staff updated each cliche to better fit our modren times.

Here:

When a coworker introduces you to their non-work friend and the friend says to you, “Oh, yeah. I’ve heard about you”:

Old: “All good things, I hope! Ha! Ha!”

New: “There’s birds about me? Huh? Oh, you’ve heard about me. Probably not good things. Ha! Ha!”

When you’re in a meeting with a client who flew in from California to your cold Midwest state:

Old: “Thanks for flying all the way from California! Did you bring any of that beautiful weather with ya? Ha! Ha!”

New: “This harsh weather depresses me something special! It’s just gray and lifeless for months! Ha! Ha!”

When you get in the elevator at the end of the work day and it luckily doesn’t stop on any other floors between your company’s floor and the parking garage.

Old: “Hey, looks like we got the express! Ha! Ha!”

New: “Hmm? Oh, this is my floor already? Sorry, I was daydreaming about what could have been! Ha! Ha!”

When you come in in the morning on a Tuesday or Wednesday:

Old: “Is it Friday yet? Ha! Ha!”

New: “I wish I could just get on a horse and ride and ride and ride forever, the headwind blowing the tears off my face! Ha! Ha!”

—–

Simic: The Most Power-Abusing Poet Laureate in History?

Sour old fangs plucked and

Raining ugly from a swollen maw

Which receives a new savory mouthful from above by the tears of its beast

It looks back with downpulled eyes at the blanched columns

As it strides away to that forest. All green black thick unknown. Just forest.

Warshington, DC - After reading this cocky rebuke from Poet Laureate Charles Simic, Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Patrick Leahy (D-VT) throws the letter down in anger. Leahy, as well as many senators and representatives from both sides of the aisle, believe the surrealist poet may have been overstepping his Constitutional powers lately. In one incident, earlier this year, Simic convened a secret group of CIA operatives to monitor every item purchased in the United States with a credit card held by anyone with an Arabic- or East Asian-”sounding” last name, even if they’re an American citizen. The group was also to apprehend, question, and if it was felt necessary or almost necessary, torture those card holders. The crumpled letter is Simic’s reply to Leahy’s attempts to bring the 69-year-old Pulitzer Prize winner in for a committee investigation.

“In this riposte, Charles is obviously saying, although in a more roundabout way than probably necessary, that he is not a part of the executive branch. Which is supposed to mean that the Constitutional limitations on that branch do not apply to him,” Leahy explains. The chairman’s attempts to rein Simic in are increasingly frustrated by the fact that the poet could probably also claim he is not beholden to the rules for the legislative or the judicial branches as well. “We’ve got to stop this abuse of power, though. And we’ll find a way,” Leahy promises.

“Charlie’s a good man. Tries hard. I stand by him. Furry… He does what poets do excellently,” said President Bush when asked to comment on the many calls for the laureate’s resignation. Also, several worry that the president may not understand the resignation letter even if he got it. “If it’s in any kind of verse, the president may find himself in a fix trying to interpret it,” warns House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

But if he has anything to say about it, Simic isn’t going to be resigning soon. “I’m completely working within the bounds of my office although, admittedly, in a more innovative capacity than my predecessors. Some of them wrote in pure rhyming verse. Some with free-verse. I’m moving into a non-verse, human rights violation-type of scheme. And I think it’s quite powerful,” said Simic.

“No one’s used the office of the poet laureate nearly to this extent ever before in the United States,” says Ted Kooser, laureate from 2004-2006 and author of the massively popular collection “Delights & Shadows.” “The most power any laureate before Simic assumed was when [Rita] Dove, the only limerickcist to hold the post, declared the ‘Man from Nantucket’ should be rewritten with the Man’s dick not so long as that he could actually suck it. This way, parents could feel better about sharing this classic with their children. But what Simic is doing is equivalent to, not only putting the length back into the Man’s dick, but doing so to the point that the dick is so massive, its shadow darkens not just our land, but the whole world and its future and its past,” said Kooser fully aware and proud of his metaphor.

Professional Charles Simic look-a-like