For the corporate activist! Why is this against the law but drinking alcohol isn’t?

The only reason this is still a law is because of the interests of the powers that be!

Scientists Discover that Human Women Do Bite Off the Heads of Males After Sex

Denver, CO - Scientists studying the mating behavior of humans at the Denver Reproductivity and Humping Studies Centre have discovered something that could shake some of our longest-standing assumptions: female humans bite off the heads of their male sex partners after the moment of climax (or “cumming,” as scientists term it).

“People had been assuming that this was just a weird practice of the praying mantis,” explained Charles Patton, lead scientist at the center. “But now we see that humans do it too. This explains why you never see men over 20, 21 years of age.”

A woman

What about bumper stickers for people who are pro-war but who would just have a slightly different tactic in fighting one?

Below is the text of the engraving on another Puritan gravestone. This one, from 1684, was found in the churchyard of Sacred God Our Lord Church in Bristol, MA.

Here lyes the bodie of Mr. Jonathan Berret, husband of Helen and Father too daughters Credence and Shanikwa. He led a gloriously joyless and arid life. He had doth builte our great library which houses every typee of Reading, from Bibles to transqripts of sermones. And he did So with his own handes. As a Matter of fact, he worked so much that he would ne’vr even speak to his family and ev’n during Worship of Our God (Father of Jesus H.), he woulde often be Cobbling a shoe or constructing a mill at his seat in the Pew. He woulde also Flog himself ev’ry morning to Assuage the guilt of having fallen of the sleep for half-an-hour.

A man like this bettre hope that this Predestination is for Reals. For the realization that one Sacrificed all pleasure and any joy Whatsoever and did so for naught — waS not, saye, admitted into Heav’n—woulde be significantly more Miserable than having found oneself the Butt of a mere prank or Jolly.

One might ev’n think that Hoping something that cannot be proved (like working your ass off will be sign that One is predestined for Heaven) is…Dumb or of Dim Thoughte. However, one who was tempted intoe the Sin of reason Might also think that having Pleasure or fun now will necessarily result in at least having Pleasure or fun now.

Anywaye, Let us joylessly celebrate in the life of this Man who doth forthwith Help advance the Ethic that shalle long be a part of this land and which will forever inflict anyone, who rests even for a Minute from Laboring, with some inkling That they are Sinning.

1635-1684

More Puritan Graves right here!

Busted Tees Introduces Line of Cheaper, Not-As-Funny Shirts

New York, NY - Busted Tees, online seller of popular t-shirts seen on the torsos of young, hip teens and 20-somethings, who feel that ironic 70s-esque cheesy slogans such as “Kenya Dig It?” printed in an outline of the African country and “I’d Hit That” captioning a picture of a piñata tell as much about them as anything else, is expanding its product offering, announced company founder Ryan Pratt at a press conference in The Hague, Switzerland.

“Our standard line of shirts are about $16 each. We wanted to offer something cheaper,” Pratt explained. He then unveiled a couple prototypes of the new shirts. “These will be sold at approximately $4 a piece. Now, they’re not as funny as our prime line, but that’s because we had to cut costs quite a bit. Also, some of the shirts may show the Corbis watermarks because we didn’t purchase a lot of the graphics for these shirts, we just copied them from the Corbis Web site sample page. I think the consumers will understand.”

Two of Busted Tees new cheaper, less-funny shirts

Q: What do you get when you combine a picture frame with a picture?
A: A picture of a picture frame!

In New York City, a man rushing to a concert ran up to a police officer and asked, “How do I get to Carnegie Hall?” The policeman rubbed his chin in thought and then exclaimed, “Practice! Practice! Practice!” With these directions, the man was five minutes late to the concert!

Arcade Fire’s “Neon Bible”? What does our reviewer think? Click here to find out.

Swedish Filmmaker/Actress Ingrid Bergman Dies

Sömewhere, Sweden - Swedish filmmaker and actress Ingrid Bergman passed away in her sleep on July the 30th. Considered to be maybe the most influential movie director of all time, it’s nonetheless difficult to pin down through which works she gained this reputation. Acting in films such as “Notorious,” “Casablanca,” and “For Whom the Bell Tolls,” it’s not clear which films she actually directed. Asked to explain the screen beauty’s reputation for helming films while not being actually ever credited for having done so, American writer and actor Woody Allen said, “Ingrid is the actress. You’re talking about Ingmar.”

Ms. Bergman will be cremated September 1, 1982, in her hometown of Uppsala, Sweden.

Ms. Ingrid Bergman