A Puritan Gravestone!
Below is the text of the engraving on another Puritan gravestone. This one, from 1684, was found in the churchyard of Sacred God Our Lord Church in Bristol, MA.
Here lyes the bodie of Mr. Jonathan Berret, husband of Helen and Father too daughters Credence and Shanikwa. He led a gloriously joyless and arid life. He had doth builte our great library which houses every typee of Reading, from Bibles to transqripts of sermones. And he did So with his own handes. As a Matter of fact, he worked so much that he would ne’vr even speak to his family and ev’n during Worship of Our God (Father of Jesus H.), he woulde often be Cobbling a shoe or constructing a mill at his seat in the Pew. He woulde also Flog himself ev’ry morning to Assuage the guilt of having fallen of the sleep for half-an-hour.
A man like this bettre hope that this Predestination is for Reals. For the realization that one Sacrificed all pleasure and any joy Whatsoever and did so for naught — waS not, saye, admitted into Heav’n—woulde be significantly more Miserable than having found oneself the Butt of a mere prank or Jolly.
One might ev’n think that Hoping something that cannot be proved (like working your ass off will be sign that One is predestined for Heaven) is…Dumb or of Dim Thoughte. However, one who was tempted intoe the Sin of reason Might also think that having Pleasure or fun now will necessarily result in at least having Pleasure or fun now.
Anywaye, Let us joylessly celebrate in the life of this Man who doth forthwith Help advance the Ethic that shalle long be a part of this land and which will forever inflict anyone, who rests even for a Minute from Laboring, with some inkling That they are Sinning.
1635-1684