Albert Einstein actually came up with his world-changing observations while writing his standup routines. Here’s a transcript of one performance at Yukkity Yukheimer’s in Berlin around 1905:

Hey, what’s up? You all doin’ good?

(applause, some hoots, etc. as Einstein takes the mic out of the stand, which he moves off to the side)

That’s okay. I don’t really care.

(some laughter)

I’m just kidding…I guess. So, all right. Let me get this out of the way first thing: I love how, like, everyone is all “m = (4/3)E/c²! m = (4/3)E/c²!” everywhere.

(some laughs of recognition)

Yeah, uh, you notice that people who are saying this forget a little something called the pressure of the radiation on the cavity shell?

(big laugh)

Yeah, kinda need that there, genius boy. Call me wacky. Thanks all the same. Also, is it me, or when you look at energy flyin’ around, doesn’t it kind of look like mass and the speed of light squared, like, got together and had a love child?

(huge laugh and some exclamations of “Oh, my good Lord! That is soo true!”)

Right? And if this is true, seems like the space-time interval will be invariant rather than spatial length. Think about it.

(laughter builds even bigger)

And a dude could make a bomb that, like, fuckin’ kills millions at a pop.

(laughter is almost at a scream now, several audience members are doubled over in pain, they’re laughing so hard)

This guy over here is like, (deep, dumb voice) “I still don’t get what’s wrong with m = (4/3)E / c².”

(big laugh, but coming back down from the crescendo)

So some of my buddies and me had a club together where we like, I don’t know, read Poincare and Hume and shit…

(some laughs of recognition)

Yeah, we called the club “The Olympia Academy.”

(pretty big laugh)

So, oh, check this out. Gravitation and electromagnetism, these two ultimately the same thing or what?

(aside from a couple of forgiving chuckles, no laughter)

Hey, I’m sorry people. That’s funny, I don’t care what y’all say. Yeah, so I’m freakin’ married.

(equal amount of good-natured boo’s and cheers)

No, hey, no. It’s cool. It’s cool. But, I’m sorry, ladies, guys just are smarter. They are, I’m sorry!

(predictable boo’s and cheers)

My wife came up to me when I was trying to read about the game and she’s like

(hilarious high-pitched lady voice)

“I finally get luminiferous aether! Tee hee!” “Yeah, okay,” I said. “Did you also ‘get’ that luminiferous aether is superfluous?”

(some laughs, but it increases as more people get it)

All right. That’s my time. Out.

(drops the mic to great applause, hoots, hollers, etc.)

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 6th, 2007 at 10:40 pm and is filed under Miscellany. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.