Headline - Pfizer
Drug Company Finally Frees Itself of Its Irrational Need to Always Seek FDA’s Approval
New York, NY - Pfizer, Incorporated, the world’s largest pharmaceutical company, announced yesterday or today that it “finally feels free.” Jeff Kindler, CEO of the drug company, which, in the late-1800s invented the portable bandage, says that his more-than-100,000 employees have gone through a rigorous program of sessions “to talk stuff out” in recent years. “And we realized that we were letting our lives be lead by this need we had to always be seeking the FDA’s approval all the time. Why?” Kindler said.
Kindler announced to the company that they would would begin “doing [their] own thing” immediately. And Kindler feels that revenue will soon prove that he and the company made the right decision to “say ‘bye-bye’ to those superficial concerns.” “We’re releasing so many more products to the market because we’re no longer hung up on caring what this one federal department thought of us and our drugs,” Kindler said.
These new drugs include a weight-loss solution packaged in a thick steel box as the pills are scalding to the touch, a kidney medication that “tastes sooo good,” an anti-depression capsule composed of all-natural ingredients such as opium poppy and “organic” refrigerant, and a shed for quarantining those afflicted with the flu.
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