Bill O’Reilly Convinced by Guest, Changes Mind

New York, NY - Bill O’Reilly, conservative host of the popular The O’Reilly Factor talk show on the Fox News Channel, interviewed guest Howard Dean, chairman of the Democratic National Committee last night. “I wanna know what kind of manure you and the liberals are planning to shovel at the voting public this coming presidential election,” said O’Reilly to open the interview.

“Well…” said Dean.

“Enough with this spin! This is a No-Spin Zone, Mr. Chairman!”

“Well, I need to be able to say some-”

“Let me guess,” O’Reilly interrupted. “You want to cut and run in Iraq, increase taxes, and abortions are A-OK, right?”

“We do feel we should get out of Iraq. That’s not working. Increased taxes gives us more money for much needed programs domestically. And abortions, we feel, are the choice of women,” said Dean.

“Huh. That…Okay. I see that now. I agree,” O’Reilly replied.

“Y-you do?” said Dean, bewildered.

“I guess it’s the way you explained it. But, yeah. I get it.”

New freakin’ episode of the “Beg for Mercy” podcast starring one of the TheDirk.com’s VPs of Marketing and John Patrick Nelson.

You got a guy thinking he’s seen someone he knows, you got another agent call, you got uh a job interview, and you got Alison trying the male 900 number one more time!

Click up in it to get the episode! REMEMBER: This can be quite crass.

Coulter’s Biggest Fan Also Believes Women Shouldn’t Be Columnists

Dallas, TX - Bradley Forest agrees with most of what Ann Coulter, controversial non-male right-wing columnist, has to say: “I just have the same beliefs she does. America was built on the grit and determination of our Founding Fathers, but suddenly–at least in the last 210 years–it’s been about immigrants, women’s lib, and minority- and gay-rights. We can’t even call Ragheads ‘Ragheads’ anymore. It’s gotta be ‘Raghead-Americans’ or ‘Enemy-Americans’ or some liberal thing like that.”

Forest, branch manager for Spencer’s Gifts, a purveyor of such food products as edible thongs and lickable body paint, also agrees with Coulter that women should not have the right to vote. In general, Forest believes, “A woman’s place is in the kitchen, and not just heating up frozen entrees or baking cookies using store-bought flour like some butch dyke would, but real cooking. I think Ann would agree.”

“I also think Ann would agree that women shouldn’t be columnists. As she’s demonstrated, they’re not as funny or insightful. They just resort to spouting off insults like some kid.”

Hey, Dr. Science-Patterson! How does a cell phone work? Inquisitive in Indianola, Indiana

Dear Inquisitive in Indianola Let’s us an analogy: imagine your cell phone as a sort of cell phone, if you will, that many people over the years have already researched, designed, and perfected and that you can just buy and use and no one needs you to know how it f’n works and you can just go on with doing real things like having a job.

I hope that helped. Please, all science lovers, feel free to write me with any questions you may have.