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Archive for February, 2007

DIDYAKNOW? Fairly Fun Factz!

Wednesday, February 28th, 2007

DIDYAKNOW that the cow has FOUR STOMACHS and, also, that this is NOT TRUE! They have one stomach comprising FOUR COMPARTMENTS!

DIDYAKNOW that often, when women say no, they actually MEAN YES! As a matter of fact, in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, “yes” is listed as the THIRD DEFINITION of “no,” under “to reject, refuse approval, or express disapproval of” and “a mispelling of ‘know’”!

DIDYAKNOW that, if you die in a dream, you DIE IN REAL LIFE! And that, if you live life in reality, your DREAMS DIE!

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The T.G.I.Friday’s Round Table

Wednesday, February 28th, 2007

As you know, the T.G.I.Friday’s Round Table is a group of El Segundo, CA, administrative assistants, public relations specialists, IT staff members, and sales associates that meets every day at the T.G.I.Friday’s for lunch or happy hour to trade quips and witticisms. These gathering have become widely known as a source of many of today’s greatest sayings and most biting observations. A few of the best-known classic interchanges–involving the likes of Todd Barnes, Brian Vellerman, and Karen McGee among other giants–are below:

Brian Kinney: “Dude, I’m totally getting an Ultimate Mudslide.”

Todd Barnes: “It’s lunch, dude.”

Brian Kinney: “It’s not that much alcohol, dude. But I’m not getting one unless other people buy drinks.”

Palermo Rodriguez: “Could you imagine? We’d be like drunk at work, trying to do work at our desks.”

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Brian Vellerman: “That was so freaking lame. I had just written that thing and I found out Greg did the same thing. There is no communication. Such idiots!” (Takes a sip of Ultimate Margarita, then, sarcastic) “Oop. Did I say that out loud?”

Karen McGee: “Don’t hold back, Brian. Tell us how you really feel!”

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Dan Stearman: “And she had those tight freaking white pants. Dang!”

Pedro Tample: “Fuckin’ hot, dude. No doubt.

Dan Stearman: “Well, and when I said we were coming over here tonight, she said maybe we could share a plate of Skinny Dippers. She’s supposed to get here. She had to finish some benefits stuff.”

Pedro Tample: “You know she likes the guy at the bank downstairs, right?”

Dan Stearman: “I don’t know. She said she would share a plate of Skinny Dippers with me. She wouldn’t say that. She’d know that that would mean something and all that. ”

Pedro Tample: “Huh?”

Dan Stearman: “She was gonna call my cell. Gotta slap that ayyyassss!!!”

(He checks his cell.)

Pedro Tample: “Let me see your cell. Pretty sweet. What service you got?”

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Cheryl Burke: “So, are you going in tomorrow or Sunday?”

Maria Timmerman: “I’ll just go in tomorrow after I take Jason to karate. For a few hours.”

Cheryl Burke: “Okay. Just put the binders you do on my chair. You know how I like ‘em.”

Maria Timmerman: “Right. Okay.”

Cheryl Burke: “Be ready Sunday, though. I might call you after I get to Miami to ship me some stuff for Monday.”

Maria Timmerman: “Okay. We’ll I’ll be at my parents that day for a BBQ. They don’t have good cell reception, so I’ll give you their number.”

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Waitress: “Jack Daniel’s Sampler.”

(She puts the plate down.)

Diane Oberman: (sarcastic) “This lo-cal, right?”

Waitress: (smiles pleasantly enough) “Yeah, right.”

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Waitress: “Okay. Here’s your check whenever you’re ready, guys.”

(She places it near Peter Ford.)

Brian Vellerman: “Hey, Peter. You’re paying for all of us? Really nice of you!”

Peter Ford: (smiling pleasantly enough, a little tired) “Yeah, right. You pay double!”

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Eric Ritter: “Do that Cartman thing.”

Shane Arrol: (like South Park’s Eric Cartman) “Seriously, you guys. I’m goin’ home.”

Chris Wong: Pretty good. But “Family Guy” does blow “South Park” away.

Eric Ritter: Right. This coming from the same guy who thought “Superman Returns” was good. May you die at the hands of the insurgency, pud.

(Raises his Ultimate Hawaiian Volcano in a mock toast.)

Yay! Beth and Geoff’s Wedding Web Site!

Monday, February 26th, 2007

Weddings are all about getting married! And Beth and Geoff have just gotten engaged!

So click here to visit Beth and Geoff’s wedding Web site! They’ll be frequently updating it during their engagement, so check back often!

What’s up now are the main page, Audio & Video, Photo Albums, and Extra Info.

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Elizabeth played by Jennifer Weaver, Geoffrey played by Dirk Voetberg, Bradley played by John P. Nelson, Photography and videography by John P. Nelson

“Joy of Sex” Gots Some New Positions!

Thursday, February 22nd, 2007

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Click to read about the first new position

Illustrations by Doué Adler (www.doueadler.com)

Quick Headline - PBS

Thursday, February 22nd, 2007

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PBS Asks for More Funding, Federal Gov’t Refuses: “They’ll Just Spend It on Drink”

Crystal City, VA - The Public Broadcasting Service (PBS) is struggling to stay alive. A bad sign is the year it was founded: 1969 battled for nought against the 1970s, which obliterated ‘69 and the rest of its decade from the metaphorical map of years. And without a pick-up in federal funding, PBS could face the same end. “Our budget’s been reduced by 23% this year,” said Henry Becton, Jr., president of WGBH, the Boston PBS station. “We’re fighting for our lives here.”

“We’re not giving them any more money,” Claudia Puig, Corporation for Public Broadcasting board member, insisted. “They’ll just use the money to buy booze. Just ignore them and keep walking. Giving them cash only hurts them more.” Asked if there’s anything that can be done for PBS, Puig said that they’ve tried the tactic of saying to PBS, “We won’t give you money, but we’ll buy you some food.” “Well, of course, they don’t go for it and they say that that won’t help them. Well, that proves that they wouldn’t use the money for food at all. They’ll be at Chuck and Dan’s Liquors buying Mad Dog in no time,” said Puig.

Without additional funding in the forseeable future, station execs have indicated that they may have to someday soon shut down the network that has brought “NOVA,” “Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood,” “The NewsHour with Jim Lehrer,” “The 18 Towers of Westerchershire Abbey (14-part documentary),” and “By Jove!” among others, to America’s living rooms. Rumors in the industry indicate “Sesame Street” may try to continue production under the HBO umbrella. “It might actually be better. HBO will allow us so many more options in terms of not censoring language, we can have more complex story lines, grittier subject matter,” said Caroll Spinney, star puppeteer on the popular PBS program.

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“Beg for Mercy” Ringtones!

Tuesday, February 20th, 2007

These am free!

You just need a phone that can play MP3 ringtones. Hook ‘er up to your computer, dowload the ringtone files onto your phone, and select one of them for your ringtone.

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Click to hear or right click to download “mustachioed man cough” ringtone

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Click to hear or right click to download “ring” ringtone

 

Voice: John P. Nelson

Check out Beg for Mercy podcasts

More Drinks at Donnie’s

Friday, February 16th, 2007

Uh, hey. Donnie. Listen, gots more drinks on our menu. Here’s what they are and all that. Remember, when the factory whistle blows, come right on over to Donnie’s. You’re not required to shower off the coal dust and blood ‘afore you come in like you are at them other bars.

The Silver Surfer - A bracing blend of ouzo, ice, mercury, steel, and paperwork.

SnapShot! - A suspension of silver chloride in a gelatin coated onto an ester of acetic acid. The exact same blend found in old cameras!

The Randy Ox - Yes, mixing bleach with ammonia is deadly, but the resulting flavor is delightful. This cocktail brings together Windex and Clorox with an orange rind twist into a drink that will cause you to die.

The Dainty Lady - An ocean of whiskey being traversed by war-tested battleships and swum in by capsized refugees who’ve been dipped in anise liqueur. Beware: sheer size of cocktail can alter the world’s wind currents and thus its weather and thusly its food output.

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Ask Dr. Science-Patterson!

Thursday, February 15th, 2007

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Hey, Dr. Science-Patterson! Does love really conquer hate? Wondering if Love Is the Best Choice in LaVerne, KY

Dear Wondering if Love Is the Best Choice, analogies teach us a lot. At the University, we use them as a cheaper alternative to scientific experimentation. So let’s use one: if Dalai Lama represents love and hate is represented by some fictional beings that can somehow be pathetic enough to be conquered by a twerpy old guy who provides an easy opening for you to defeat him by his eschewing violence and hate of any kind, then yes, we can rest assured that love conquers hate.

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DIDYAKNOW? Fairly Fun Facts

Wednesday, February 14th, 2007

This is a classic DIDYAKNOW about Valentime’s Day:

DIDYAKNOW that, because prostitution is the world’s oldest profession, there was no other professions by which clients could earn money to pay the first hookers. So it was at this point that men invented love as a means of OBTAINING SEX FOR FREE!

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Another Valentine (Up in Here)

Wednesday, February 14th, 2007

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