Headline - 911
Have an Emergency in Old Sandyham, ME? Don’t Call 9-1-1
Click here to hear what happens when you call 9-1-1 in Old Sandyham.
Old Sandyham, ME - This once-small town has many things going for it: It’s high school has won the state championship in Class AA basketball for three years in a row. It’s home to www.loniandersonpretty43.com, the 43rd top fan Web site of Loni Anderson photographs and essays, and it boasts a company that sells groceries. But one thing that isn’t going for it, is its emergency response system.
“Unfortunately, when we were setting up the number for people to call for emergencies around here and shit, we found that someone–a nice young couple, don’t get me wrong–but they had already gotten the 9-1-1 phone number for themselves…and shit,” said Lou Bracca, sheriff of Old Sandyham.
Understandably, this has caused some trouble, such as massive numbers of deaths, because emergency-laden residents learn the hard way that the universal number to call for help is not so universal. “And, what’s worse, is the gruesome messages we keep getting on our voicemail. Please hang up before the beep if you call 9-1-1 and it’s obviously not the police.”
“We believe we have an easy-to-remember alternative number people in this town can call in the case of emergencies. It’s 1-900-HARDCOX. All you have to do is remember “hard cocks.” Then you got it. It is $1.95/minute, but you can’t put a price on saving a life, I don’t think. I don’t know.”
A Porsche 911; not the 911 we’re talking about in this article
Acting in the 9-1-1 call by John P. Nelson and Alison Star Locke Nelson