…and here are some of the more promising reality shows starting this fall:

This week, TheDirk.com highlights some of the exciting new shows being launched this fall on the major networks. Check out this one airing early October on NBC (yes, the NBC radio powerhouse has now entered the TV game!):

President Bush Will Flub Tonight’s Address to the Nation

Warshington, DC - During tonight’s address to the nation, which will be aired several hours from now, President Bush will flub several parts of his speech in observance of the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, which occurred five years ago today.

Beginning with “As we celebrate the 5th anniversary of the attack on our nation,” Bush will continue to intersperse his somber address with slips of the tongue, made-up words, and all other varieties of mistakes of a verbal nature. “We will continue to…I…to do what shields do…they stop badness, in a way… this nation and bring a stop to terrorism” “I’ve spoken with several of the victims who are no longer with us” and “Oreos and TV ads will not tire and that can’t be us either” are some examples of Bush’s statements later tonight that will run the range of embarrassing to surreal.

Many of the network pundits who will offer their reactions to the speech will be especially amazed at how the president will have had even managed to trip up during the introductory minute of silence. “About 14 seconds into it [the moment of silence], Bush started doing silence really dumbly somehow. I didn’t know it was possible, but he did it, and it was tremendously embarrassing,” Eleanor Clift will remark after NBC’s live broadcast of the address.

Pheron, who lived several centuries prior to the birth of Jesus H. Christ, the main character of the Bible, is considered the leader of a school of thought typically referred to as something. Pheron’s apprentice and another ancient Athenian thinker, John Cho, wrote the Pheronic dialogues to record the man’s philosophies and dialectic methods which influence Western and Mid-Western thought today still. One of them is right below:

Cart Before the Horse

Child: I’m sorry, Pheron. I seem to be intruding on some gardening activity of some sort.

Pheron: No. That is not what I’m doing. Is there something of which you wish to discuss?

Child: I saw a very large cart in the front quarters of your property. The cart is so large in fact that it nearly covers your small parcel.

Pheron: That is my new cart.

Child: Why did you purchase it? Did your other cart come to be damaged?

Pheron: No, I felt it was not big enough.

Child: For hauling your…philosophy items?

Pheron: That’s right.

Child: It seems that it was of plenty volume to hold whatever you may have carried.

Pheron: Well, I also wish to be able to see above the other carts. So many of them are so large these days and nights.

Child: But they wouldn’t be so big if citizens did not keep purchasing bigger and bigger carts.

Pheron: Well, I feel more protected in a big cart.

Child: But does not the bigger cart turn over easier?

Pheron: Well, the bigger cart is very manly.

Child: Ah! This I understand. Thank you. You are lit with something so akin to truth as to be no different than it. You are indeed a hero for buying this cart which is too big. Have you horses to pull it?

Pheron: Not as of yet. I cannot afford them.

Child: I must say, I always look forward to our discussions, dear Pheron.

Pheron:

Child: I said, “I always look-”

Pheron: Good bye.

Click this for more examples of the Pheronic method

Hey, Dr. Science-Patterson! When I shake my Coke and, then, open it, it shoots fizz everywhere. What makes it do that? - Soda Shaker in Silas, OH

Dear Soda Shaker - Well, I’m more of an expert of science than I am of physics, but, from what I understand, Coke is a type of soda beverage and all soda will fizz like that when you shake it.

Tom Waits to Play Super Bowl XLI Halftime

Super Bowl viewers will be treated to the classic arena-rockers “Christmas Cards from a Hooker in Minneapolis,” “Town with No Cheer,” and “Jockey Full of Bourbon” during the halftime show of NFL football’s crowning event this coming February (from the Latin “Februltus”): Yes, officials announced that singer Tom Waits will indeed be headlining the Super Bowl intermission, which will also include performances by Beyonce Knowles and the wheel-chaired-because-he’s-crippled Vic Chesnutt and a reading by Haruki Murakami of his newest magic-realism short story. In a message to the press, Waits, whose booze-torn voice is the favorite of teenaged girls across the country, said that he’s “extremely stoked.”

“I’m so honored to be rockin’ the superest bowl of them all!” Waits said on Oprah this morning. Although his crew will not have time during the half-hour show to install the 52′-tall sobbing, one-legged, aging ballerina inflatible doll audiences have come to expect at Waits’s sold-out shows, he promised he will “still find a way to wow ‘em!”

A CBS spokesperson has also stated that the network would even allow Waits to include a bra-tearing routine in his show because “unlike the Ms. Jackson/Mr. Timberlake episode, which was just shallow prurience, Tom Waits pulling off someone’s bra would convey something along the lines of humanity’s struggle with grinding loneliness and life’s undeniably depraved underbelly. And that seems like a theme children and families can enjoy together.”

Entertainer Tom Waits puts on a show for the sold-out Soldier Field in Chicago earlier this year.

“When eating fondue whilst on the toilet, be sure to hold the Sterno very firmly between your knees.” - Wise Man