Baghdad Loses Bid to Host the Olympics

Baghdad, Iraq - The International Olympic Committee (IOC) today notified officials in Baghdad, Iraq, that the city was no longer being considered in the running to host the 2012 Summer Olympic Games.

“We felt that insufficient attention had been paid to proving to the Committee that they [the Iraqis] could provide sufficiently world-class venues to world-class athletes,” said IOC President Jacques Rogge. In addition to not applying to be the host, the ancient city also failed to impress in a multitude of other ways. Rogge specifically noted that the fields in which his organization felt equestrian events could even possibly take place seemed to be in “total disrepair” and “…literally looked like some kind of war zone.”

Rogge also lamented that he and his fellow IOC evaluators were not able to locate a gymnastics facility. “They don’t even seem to have a Ministry of Rhythmic Gymnastics in this country at all,” said a befuddled Rogge. “And we actually found a very nice facility for judo and boxing, but, when we came back the next day to look at it some more, the building was gone, replaced by a smoldering pile of ash. We simply can’t hold an event like the Olympics somewhere where the venues somehow shift position or disappear at night. I’ll be honest, this town just doesn’t seem to hold the Olympics as a priority.”

When notified that his country’s capital city would not be home to the next Olympics, Nouri Maliki, prime minister of Iraq, replied with, “Uh…okay” and sprinted with his bodyguards towards his awaiting Humvee.

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