Political cartoons are a powerful forum for dissent. After some incident in 1941 drew the United States into war against Japan, Japanese-Americans were forced to live in internment camps. Though the government degraded and stereotyped Japanese-Americans, this cartoon reminds us that there were those who felt differently, who recognized that the Japanese were at least as deserving of this country’s freedoms and opportunities as almost most of its other peoples.

from the People’s Press, 1942

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Katrina Victims Gain Slight Respite Thanks to Break of the “Seinfeld Curse”

New Orleans, LA - New Orleans residents, many of whom have suffered for a full year now from the aftermath of the infamous Hurricane Katrina, cast aside their pain and worries for at least one day after having learned that the TV industry’s notorious “Seinfeld Curse” was finally broken during last night’s 58th Annual Emmy Awards.

“I lost my house and really everything I’ve ever had in my life during Katrina,” said resident Trufault Gauteraux referring to last year’s hurricane which splashed New Orleans and surrounding parishes with a lot of water. “But to hear that [Julia] Louis-Dreyfus won the award last night on them Emmys and broke that horrible curse really just washes my troubles away. At least for today.” Gauteraux’s relief at the death of the curse–which saw Jason Alexander, Michael Richards, and Louis-Dreyfus (no relation) fail to build on the following they enjoyed on the phenomonally popular “Seinfeld” situation comedy–was matched by many of his fellow residents of this, the proud birthplace of new-age jazz. “The sun beams just broke through the clouds today,” grinned Winnie Johnson, who’s currently living on a magazine until she gets back on her feet. “‘The Adventures of Christy,’ or whatever that show she’s on calls itself, speaks to the people of this city. Having some bad dates is such a great metaphor for our suffering here.”

Despite this glorious occasion, however, not all the residents of the Croissant City could be found dancing in the streets or renewing the traditional Cajun sport of sprinting while guffawing: “I…I just can’t really feel myself with Kramer not having gotten a good show since ‘Seinfeld.’ What’s going to happen to him?” asked Bruce Lareaux of the 9th Ward as he wandered the streets aimlessly, several solitary tears rolling from the eyes in his face. “What’s going to happen?”

“Drinking and driving is not funny. I’m not sure why…I think it’s just too slapsticky or something.” - Wise Man

It’s on everybody’s lips: the most recent victim of the East Coast-West Coast-French School of Cooking feud, Julia Child, passed away two years ago this month. Here is a memorial to her and the other giants of the hip-hop/culinary world who are no longer with us:

Baghdad Loses Bid to Host the Olympics

Baghdad, Iraq - The International Olympic Committee (IOC) today notified officials in Baghdad, Iraq, that the city was no longer being considered in the running to host the 2012 Summer Olympic Games.

“We felt that insufficient attention had been paid to proving to the Committee that they [the Iraqis] could provide sufficiently world-class venues to world-class athletes,” said IOC President Jacques Rogge. In addition to not applying to be the host, the ancient city also failed to impress in a multitude of other ways. Rogge specifically noted that the fields in which his organization felt equestrian events could even possibly take place seemed to be in “total disrepair” and “…literally looked like some kind of war zone.”

Rogge also lamented that he and his fellow IOC evaluators were not able to locate a gymnastics facility. “They don’t even seem to have a Ministry of Rhythmic Gymnastics in this country at all,” said a befuddled Rogge. “And we actually found a very nice facility for judo and boxing, but, when we came back the next day to look at it some more, the building was gone, replaced by a smoldering pile of ash. We simply can’t hold an event like the Olympics somewhere where the venues somehow shift position or disappear at night. I’ll be honest, this town just doesn’t seem to hold the Olympics as a priority.”

When notified that his country’s capital city would not be home to the next Olympics, Nouri Maliki, prime minister of Iraq, replied with, “Uh…okay” and sprinted with his bodyguards towards his awaiting Humvee.

Sorry that it took awhile for our staff to compile our official rankings for worst-selling audio books of 2005, but here they are:

5. Screaming for Hours Like an A-hole: A Novel

3. Merriam-Webster Dictionary (12th Edition)

2. James Earl Jones Reads “Paradise Lost” to Himself

1. Fields of Blood: The Genocide in Kosovo (farted in Morse code)

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Okay, here are some office humor cliches–those things people say in response to typical office situations even though they know they’re not worth saying. And, assuming you don’t mind, we propose new cliches to take their place.

When Ted walks into the breakroom where you’re having a conversation with someone else:

OLD: “Right, Ted? Ha! Ha!” or “It’s Ted’s fault! Ha! Ha!”

NEW: “Hey uh…Ted.”

When grabbing a doughnut on free doughnut day:

OLD: “This is one of the ones with no calories, right? Ha! Ha!”

NEW: “I’ll eat this, I guess, but I know I’ll get this total sugar crash and get so depressed. Especially on a day like this, with all this fucking rain, pardon my French. I don’t even really like doughnuts; they’re too sweet. But…I don’t know…”

When you walk into the breakroom and a bunch of your coworkers are laughing at something they were talking about:

OLD: “You guys are having too much fun! Ha! Ha!” or “No laughing allowed! Ha! Ha!”

NEW: Ask what’s so funny and, after one of the nicer of the group takes the effort to repeat the whole dialogue, kind of shrug and say, “Guess you had to be there.”

When you have to do something like get a ream of paper, tear it open, and load it in the copier:

OLD: “Well, that’s my workout for the day! Ha! Ha!”

NEW: “It seems like everytime I use this fucking thing, pardon my French, I have to load some fucking paper in it, pardon my French.”

When out at lunch, getting burgers with coworkers, and it’s taking a slightly long time for the food to come out:

OLD: “What are they doing? Killing the cow? Ha! Ha!”

NEW: “I have so much work to do today. Ugh! Can’t stand that place.”

Whenever someone does anything that you may not have any other quick cliche response to:

OLD: “That was like on, uh, that one episode of ‘Seinfeld’! Ha! Ha!” For example, if a lizard falls from the ceiling tiles onto a monkey that someone brought into the office for some reason, refer to when Kramer did that and George gripes about when people talk to him in the bathroom, etc., because, believe us, there is an episode you can somehow match to anything that happens in life.

NEW: (Silence)