What to Say After You’ve Done Laundry!
Basics:
- “Cleaned me some garments, bitches!”
- “Clean clothes. Second next best thing to new clothes.”
Someone else: “What’s the first next best thing?”
“Gettin’ busy with ladies and broads!”
- If you’re in the KKK: “Oh, why does my sheet look so crisp and white? 24 simple words: ‘Let’s just say my bottle of Joy or whatever laundry detergent I use is quite a bit lighter than it was earlier this morning.’”
- Prank: Hide. When a roommate smells your clothes and says, “Is there a mountain in here? I think I smell a rushing spring,” let them freak out a little as they look for the mountain, prepare for glaciers, set up camp, bear-proof the provisions, etc. THEN, pop out and say, “Mountain Spring Tide! That’s what I used to wash my garments!”
- To stripper girlfriend: “Your metallic nipple tassels were sparking in the dryer; set the laundromat aflame. So I hung ‘em out back on the clothes line. Various birds seemed intrigued by them due to their glinting in the sun. But I think they’ll be okay. Birds are descended from dinosaurs, but they ain’t dinosaurs, if you know what I’m sayin’! So there’s only so much damage they can do to your sturdy tassels!”
- How to bring it up subtly to impress a person at work: While at the vending machine, stare at your fistful of dimes, pennies, and 2-bits and say, “Huh. I thought I had a bunch of quarters, but…Oh! That’s right! I used them at the laundromat!”
Others:
- “One of the negative effects of your little spree has gone bye-bye, butthole: Check out how most of the blood has been washed out of this pant leg!”
- “Someone shotgunned a can of Clamato at the laundromat!”
- “Guess who did one of those things any normal human being who hopes to survive in the modern world does? Me, beeeeatch!!”
- “My ‘Vote for Pedro’ shirt is clean.”
November 1st, 2006 at 9:51 pm
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