The Dialogues of Pheron!
Pheron, who lived several centuries prior to the birth of Jesus H. Christ, the main character of the Bible, is considered the leader of a school of thought called mediocre. Pheron’s apprentice and another influential ancient Athenian thinker, John Cho, wrote the Pheronic dialogues to record the man’s philosophies and dialectic methods which influence Western and Mid-Western thought today still. One of them is right below:
Sparta
Student: Pheron! I am sorry. I seem to be interrupting the process by which you are preparing your dinner.
Pheron: Please do not be sorry for your company. For, all I would do other fucking wise is eat in peace while reading a good scroll.
Student: Our government has announced that it wishes to attack Sparta!
Pheron: Sparta? Why?
Student: It appears that they may be have purposefully trained men to be strong in order for military purposes.
Pheron: Oh. Yes. We should attack Sparta.
Student: But you seemed not to have previously given thought to these men of Sparta before I mentioned them to you.
Pheron: But if they are training such men, they must be considering destroying our world.
Student: But what if they are, instead, training these men merely for purposes of defense of their country?
Pheron: Why would they be concerned with that? No one wishes to attack them. Also, as I think further upon it, I also think we must attack this country of Spartans for they are using enriched uranium to create nuclear weapons.
Student: What you have just spoken is very confusing to me, Pheron.
Pheron: Nuclear bombs are a weapon which may destroy millions of people upon the strike of ‘t.
Student: This sounds far superior to anything I’ve heard of. Can you prove that these soldiers possess such a thing?
Pheron: Of course not. For, they are Spartans. They would hide such a weapon with such effort as it would be near impossible for anyone to observe the weapon itself.
Student: But…uh…
Pheron: Their megalomaniac leader years ago also demanded the expulsion of many of our observers of that country. Thus, he must have something to hide. The only other option would be that his machismo nature was unable to reconcile with these observers from an enemy country telling him what to do. Thus, by process of elimination, this option cannot be the explanation. Therefore, the other option, that he must be hiding something, is true. This something, therefore, must be nuclear arms and men who exercise.
Student: That’s true. You are correct. We should attack. Thank you for showing me this truth.
Pheron: ‘kay.
