Hey, Dr. Science-Patterson! How big is the universe? – Always Curious in Albany
Dear Always Curious in Albany – Huh?
Hey, Dr. Science-Patterson! I was asking how big the universe is.
Dear Always Curious in Albany – Ah, yes. The universe, which is where you and I live, is infinite. That’s bigger than three football fields built for some reason end-to-end!
Click here to read the Dirkipedia article on the wheel!
Hey! Up to a couple of decades ago, people were quite perplexed as to the purpose of history’s great art. But, then, someone realized the masterpieces of Monet, Van Gogh, and Renoir could be printed on things like mugs and such!
Below are some of our staff’s favorite art knick-knacks:
| Q: What’s a cat’s favorite musical? |
| A: “Cats”! |
| - Sent to us by G. Straw, 8, Brookside Public Elementary, Miami, FL |
| Q: What’s worse than having a gorilla hiding in your closet? |
| A: Having two gorillas holding you down and slicing off your legs! |
| -Sent to us by Brianna Thompson, 7, Christ the Mere Prophet School of Islam, Brentwood, CA |
| Q: What do a trout and a flounder have in common? |
| A: They both take the bait, get hooked, and are then reeled in! |
| -Sent to us by Buster Sands, 7, Bob’s School, Billings, MT |
Hey, kids! Remember this Zoomy’s Fun Page from 1933? Do you?
Our resident right-wing columnist, Bailey McAdams, did not appreciate the bespectacled Stephen Colbert’s speech at the White House Correspondents Dinner. Here’s what he has to say on that.
Other McAdams columns:
The Iraq War (2004)
“Fahrenheit 911″ (2004)
The Kerry-Bush Debate (2004)
Tsunami Aid (2005)
The Werewolf: he strikes again! The customers of California Pizza Kitchen of Burbank this night are about to be served a pizza…a pizza of chipotle chicken, that is!…and death, that is!
Gather ’round the radio and click here. NOTE: VC (Very Crass).
Running Time: About 6 Christian minutes
Rating: NC-21
Written by: Dirk Voetberg and John Patrick Nelson
Produced by: John Patrick Nelson
The Werewolf: John Patrick Nelson, Ali: Alison Star Locke Nelson, Waiter Greg Lim from Torrance: Dirk Voetberg, Other voices: John, Ali, and Dirk
Many Republicans claim that the GOP is the Party of Lincoln. Our staff determined through interviews and some mathematical extrapolation that, when they said “Lincoln,” they most likely meant Abraham Lincoln, a President of the United States of America.
It’s interesting that the Republicans align themselves with Lincoln considering how he was viewed in the 1860s (a while ago) by the Southern press:
| The Zen Page-a-Day Calendar is quite cryptic: | But perhaps it would make more sense if it was performed by top-notch actors! Gather yourselves and click here to see!!!!!! | |
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| Starring: Dan Stockenberg, Dirk Voetberg Set to film by Travis Purser, Noises by Steve Yager | ||
Hey, Dr. Science-Patterson! I forget, what’s that popular mnemonic device we were all taught as youngsters to remember the order of the planets in our solar system? – Forgetful in Philadelphia
Dear Forgetful in Philadelphia – The answer to your question is two-fold: First, I’m smarter than you. Secondly, I don’t know what you learned, but the mnemonic device I teach my students at the University is “Mary said that Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune are planets.” The “m” in Mary stands for Mercury, the “s” in “said” for the planet Sorion, the “that” doesn’t stand for anything, and the “p” in “planets” stands for Pluto.
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