Headline - No-Gas Day
As Fuel Prices Skyrocket, Bush Announces His “No-Gas Day” Plan
Warshington, DC - In response to ever-escalating gas prices, President Bush, speaking to workers at a Memphis butter churn plant, announced this morning a plan he coined “No-Gas Day.” “It has been calculated that if everyone in the United States did not purchase a drop of gasoline for one day and all at the same time, the oil companies would choke on their stockplies [sic] and be hit with a net loss of over 4.6 billion dollars,” the president said. He then declared that May 15th is to be “No-Gas Day” during which everyone in the United States is to not purchase any gasoline. Bush added, “This is not to be confused with those e-mails you see once in awhile that tell everyone to not buy gas for a day.”
In response to one reporter’s observation that, nonetheless, Mr. Bush’s plan as just stated matches verbatim one of those very same e-mails down to the type-o of “stockplies,” Bush replied, “No. You didn’t hear me: I said this is not to be confused with those.”
Laughing off another reporter’s concern that the plan wouldn’t do anything to pressure the powerful oil companies because everyone would merely buy more gas on May 16th due to the fact that they didn’t on the 15th, Bush said, “Then don’t buy gas on the 16th either. This is a very simple plan, people. And if you tell at least 20 other people about it, you will enjoy a lifetime of good luck.” At which point Bush turned his head 90 degrees sideways and smiled.
