As Fuel Prices Skyrocket, Bush Announces His “No-Gas Day” Plan
Warshington, DC - In response to ever-escalating gas prices, President Bush, speaking to workers at a Memphis butter churn plant, announced this morning a plan he coined “No-Gas Day.” “It has been calculated that if everyone in the United States did not purchase a drop of gasoline for one day and all at the same time, the oil companies would choke on their stockplies [sic] and be hit with a net loss of over 4.6 billion dollars,” the president said. He then declared that May 15th is to be “No-Gas Day” during which everyone in the United States is to not purchase any gasoline. Bush added, “This is not to be confused with those e-mails you see once in awhile that tell everyone to not buy gas for a day.”
In response to one reporter’s observation that, nonetheless, Mr. Bush’s plan as just stated matches verbatim one of those very same e-mails down to the type-o of “stockplies,” Bush replied, “No. You didn’t hear me: I said this is not to be confused with those.”
Laughing off another reporter’s concern that the plan wouldn’t do anything to pressure the powerful oil companies because everyone would merely buy more gas on May 16th due to the fact that they didn’t on the 15th, Bush said, “Then don’t buy gas on the 16th either. This is a very simple plan, people. And if you tell at least 20 other people about it, you will enjoy a lifetime of good luck.” At which point Bush turned his head 90 degrees sideways and smiled.
Our first in a series of humor developed by someone really tired!
Here is the 7th worst door of 2005 as determined by a survey of 14,122 Americans across a full spectrum of demographics. Overall, the door fails to fill out the entire door frame and has only one hinge and has to be fed and bites.
Hey, Dr. Science Patterson! What makes a volcano erupt? - Curious Kid in Concord, NH
Dear Curious Kid in Concord, NH - Despite lack of funding, the geology team at the University here have decided to soldier on and proceed with the research they had been planning on this very subject. They have quite a bit more work to do, but their preliminary findings indicate that an erupting volcano is basically the Earth deity’s way of showing He has been made angry.
Hey, liberals! So you say–look at me when I’m talking to you–So you say Bush’s contention that the terrorists do what they do because they hate freedom is intellectually dishonest and is just a way of not getting to the real issues, huh? Well, we looked a few years back (before 9/11!) at the customer reviews for freedom on Amazon.com. Check out what we found!
MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif., April 19, 2006 – Google Incorporated (Nasdaq: GOOG), a leading Internet search capabilities provider announced today a new tracking technology to bolster its popular PageRank feature. Named “GoogleGodTM” in honor of the popular Bible character it’s modeled after, this technology will enable Google to more accurately match a Web site’s PageRank to not only the number of visits to the site but also to how well those visitors actually value the site. The secret to this capability is that GoogleGod knows all. “Our users deserve to look at a site’s PageRank and know really how well the site has been perceived by other viewers in relation to the topic they’re searching for,” said Eric Schmidt, CEO of Google. “With this cutting-edge technology, we’ll also be able to alter history, invent the future, smite our competition, and create whole universes within 5-6 business days.”
‘Tis a full moon when the fortnightly gathering of the group of aspiring scriptwritersth doth begin. Can the angry spirit of the Werewolf be quelled as the Others critique hith screenplay? Click upon this very link to hear what happens!
(This thing’s about 5 minutes, which is equal to about 5 minutes of a full moon!)
Werewolf: John P. Nelson, Alison: Alison Star Locke Nelson, Dirk: Dirk Voetberg, Written by: Dirk Voetberg, Produced by: John P. Nelson
Warshington, DC - In response to ever-escalating gas prices, President Bush, speaking to workers at a Memphis butter churn plant, announced this morning a plan he coined “No-Gas Day.” “It has been calculated that if everyone in the United States did not purchase a drop of gasoline for one day and all at the same time, the oil companies would choke on their stockplies [sic] and be hit with a net loss of over 4.6 billion dollars,” the president said. He then declared that May 15th is to be “No-Gas Day” during which everyone in the United States is to not purchase any gasoline. Bush added, “This is not to be confused with those e-mails you see once in awhile that tell everyone to not buy gas for a day.”
Hey, Dr. Science Patterson! What makes a volcano erupt? - Curious Kid in Concord, NH
