Hey, Dr. Science-Patterson! – Wondering in Wichita
Dear Wondering in Wichita: Yes?
Dr. Science-Patterson, why do men have nipples? They don’t serve any real purpose, do they? – Wondering in Wichita
Dear Wondering in Wichita: I assume what you really meant to ask is why do women have nipples? And there’s actually a very good (and obvious) reason: to deliver nutrient-rich milk to the woman’s infant.
SECRETARY
How was your weekend, Mr. Prime Minister?
WINSTON CHURCHILL
Too short.
THE STORIED CHURCHILL witty comeback above is just one example of the countless “zingers” that helped lift British spirits during the German bombings and two other major events that would round out a nice list of three.
Office humor cliches have survived because they bolster the office environment’s blatant insincerity and tedium. However, we need new office humor cliches that even better capture the essence of the singularly soul-crushing modern office. Try these!
Upon running into someone for a second or third time that day:
OLD: “Hey! We gotta stop meeting like this!”
NEW: “When I saw you last, I asked you to put together that spreadsheet. I haven’t gotten it yet, and that’s unacceptable. Get it done.”
Seeing someone microwaving their lunch:
OLD: “Hey! What are you making me?”
NEW: “How much more time on this? I have stuff to microwave too.”
Walking past a temp filling in for Kathy for the day:
OLD: “Kathy, you look different today!”
NEW: “Oh, good! Another temp we have to spend most of the day training and who, for what’s left of the day, will do everything a little wrong and leave us worse off than if we had just done nothing until Kathy got back!”
Greeting the counterperson in the corporate cafeteria:
OLD: “Hey! You must have been up all night making this food, huh?”
NEW: “Some of that I guess.” (Point at the food you want.)
Leaving the office:
OLD: “Mañana!”
NEW: Silence.
Exactly a little over a year ago, our resident right-wing columnist, Bailey McAdams, debuted on TheDirk.com, correcting us on our views about the war in Iraq. Click up in here to take a look back at his first column!
“Be uh… be careful what you wish for, or you might get it! For example, I once wished for a train to run over my leg. Well, one day it finally happened. But, you know what? It sucked and hurt so bad.” – Wise Man
Hey, Dr. Science-Patterson. If God can do anything, can He make a rock so heavy that even He can’t lift it? – Confused in Tempe, AZ
Dear Confused in Tempe, AZ – The answer to this question is also easy. I don’t get why these types of things are such conundrums for people. Anyway, yes, of course He can make a rock that heavy (this would fall under the whole God being able to do anything, right?). Now, as far as Him then being able to lift said rock, He would be able to because He can do anything.
Say, the staff here thought Wikipedia was wanting in several topics, one of which is t-shirts that people put on their car seats. Our new free online encyclopedia covers that, and only that, topic. Click here.
The British Invasion brought us such huge music acts as Herman’s Hermits and Marillion. Now, the newest hot band of the Isles, Arctic Monkeys, are reviewed by our resident Amazon reviewer! Click here please.
Click here for the Intelligent Design textbook! It’s short and easy and written by God-designed humans.
Hey, Dr. Science-Patterson, which came first, the chicken or the egg? - Wondering in Cleveland
Dear Wondering in Cleveland: This is an age-old question that is, however, very easy to answer. The chicken came first because there needs to be a chicken to lay the egg (unless you concern yourself with where the chicken itself comes from).
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